The Kalyaanam Critic

(The Wedding Critic)

"What are you doing!!??"

"Finding a parking place. What else does it look like to you?" Velu continued to grumble under his breath.

"Look at that Asha! Look at HER husband. Buys her such an expensive saree, look at that chain! Hare Bhagavan! Let's his wife off at the ENTRANCE. Loves her so much that he doesn't even want her to walk a distance." 

"You're lucky sarees don't come in sizes or I'll have something to say here."

"I bore your children."

"She has three. We only have two."

"Two is more than enough for us. I don't need another clone of you."

"Maybe that's well. What if the next one is a clone of YOU?"

"Why are you parking here? It'll be hot soon!"

Velu tries to let the sounds of the traffic out win his wife's miserable complaints.

Preetha was a rather...verbose woman, so to put it. Nothing left her sight without being acknowledged by her tongue. 

"Sit here. You can see the bride better. Oh wait not here. That woman is here! Can't believe they invited them. I heard she had alot of problems with the bridegrooms's mother a few weeks back. Oh well, people are always such hypocrites. Money talks. Must be because her husband is so rich. And look at you."

"Can you hear what the lady at the back of us is talking about? For all you know HER son is a crook himself. Who is she to talk about Leela's son like that?"

"Oh you see there. That is the bride's father's mother's sister-in-law. I heard he got it real hard when the shares dropped. Serves him right for investing all he had. What will they do for their kids now? Never think about the future at all these people. I heard he's not a very nice man either. Womanizer."

The bands start to play marking the arrival of the bridegroom. 

"This boy is really good looking. We have known him since young, no? Im just worried what kind of a wife he's going to get. I hope the bride is a good match."

Soon after, the bride is escorted by a few relatives into the hall.

"That must be a really expensive saree. The bridal make-up is not very impressive though. THey must have gotten it cheap or something. Too much of jewelry. Makes her look like she's advertising for some gold shop. Look at the way she's walking. Looks a bit odd doesn't it. Like a limp. Oh ya I think Kapil's mum mentioned something about some accident the other day. Her nose is too big. Her eyes are too small. Such a fake smile plastered on her face. Look at that. Just look at that. The rings are too big. Why such big rings for such thin fingers. Actually she's too thin. Not very nice. She's not the right match for the boy. Let's go and see which caterers they're getting their food from."

Preetha gropes for her husband's hand. Which has turned somewhat softer, smaller, and little more withered than usual. Aware of her own senses for a splitting moment, she turns around slowly to where her husband WAS sitting. In place, is an elderly woman, draped in a simple cotton saree, with minimal jewelry and no make up. Tears are welling in her eyes. 

"Who are you?" asks Preetha still in shock.

"The bride's grandfather's sister."


p/s: If anyone who reads this comes for MY wedding, do me a favor and don't gossip about me. But you're free to comment about the bridegroom. I'm sure he would love to elevate my sorrow.